The Critical Role of Bystanders in Bullying
Understanding Complacent Complicity and Empowering Upstanders
The Silent Majority: Understanding Bystanders
In every bullying situation, there are far more witnesses than there are bullies or victims. These witnesses—the bystanders—hold immense power to either stop bullying or allow it to continue. Understanding the different roles bystanders play and why they often remain silent is crucial to preventing bullying in our schools and communities.
Research consistently shows that when bystanders intervene, bullying stops within 10 seconds in more than half of cases. Yet the majority of students who witness bullying do nothing. Why? And more importantly, how can we change this?
The Three Types of Bystanders
Not all bystanders are the same. When bullying occurs, witnesses typically fall into three distinct categories, each playing a different role in perpetuating or preventing harassment:
Bystander Categories:
Students who actively support the bully and are part of the “Bully Team,” but don’t initiate the bullying themselves. They may hold the victim, block escape routes, retrieve the bully’s target belongings, or spread rumors on the bully’s behalf. While they don’t start the harassment, their active participation emboldens the bully and intensifies the victim’s suffering.
Students who cheer on the bully, laugh at the victim, or provide an audience that rewards the bully’s behavior with attention and status. They may not physically participate, but their encouragement signals social approval. For many bullies, this audience reaction is the primary reward—without it, bullying loses much of its appeal.
Students who watch and say nothing or do nothing. They don’t actively support the bullying, but they don’t intervene either. Their silence is often misinterpreted by bullies as tacit approval. This is typically the largest group of bystanders, and they represent the greatest opportunity for change.
The Power Dynamic
Understanding these categories reveals an important truth: bullies rarely act without an audience and support system. The presence of “The Team” and “The Fans” reinforces bullying behavior, while “The Complacent” allow it to continue through their silence. Together, these bystanders create an environment where bullying can thrive.
However, this also means that shifting bystander behavior can dramatically reduce bullying. When the social rewards disappear—when peers refuse to laugh, cheer, or remain silent—bullying loses much of its power and appeal.
Why Don’t More Bystanders Intervene?
If bystanders have such power to stop bullying, why do so few actually use it? ReportBullying.com surveys conducted in 2009 revealed the most common reasons students gave for not intervening when they witnessed bullying:
Top Reasons for Bystander Inaction:
- “It’s none of my business.” Many students believe that unless they are directly involved, they have no responsibility to act. This mindset ignores the reality that bullying affects entire school communities.
- “I fear becoming the next victim.” This is perhaps the most powerful deterrent to intervention. Students worry that standing up for a victim will make them the bully’s next target. This fear is not unfounded—bullies sometimes do redirect their aggression toward defenders.
- “The victim deserves it.” Some students have internalized the belief that victims somehow provoke or deserve bullying. This victim-blaming mentality absolves bystanders of responsibility and perpetuates harmful stereotypes.
- “I don’t want to draw attention to myself.” Many students, particularly those who are shy or socially anxious, avoid any action that might make them stand out or be noticed by peers or adults.
- “Telling adults won’t help or may make things worse.” Students often believe that adult intervention is ineffective or that reporting will result in retaliation without adequate protection. Past negative experiences reinforce this belief.
- “I don’t know what to do.” Many students genuinely want to help but lack the knowledge or skills to intervene safely and effectively. Without training and guidance, they feel paralyzed by uncertainty.
The Deeper Psychology of Inaction
Beyond these stated reasons, psychological research has identified additional factors that contribute to bystander inaction:
- Diffusion of responsibility: When many people witness bullying, individuals feel less personal responsibility to act because they assume someone else will intervene
- Pluralistic ignorance: Bystanders look to each other for cues about how to respond; when everyone remains passive, each person interprets others’ inaction as evidence that intervention isn’t necessary
- Social conformity: The desire to fit in and not challenge group norms can override moral convictions about helping victims
- Emotional numbing: Repeated exposure to bullying can desensitize bystanders, making harassment seem normal or acceptable
Preparing Children to Become Helpful Bystanders
Adults can prepare children to become helpful bystanders—or better yet, “upstanders”—by discussing with them the different ways bystanders can make a difference. This preparation must begin with a crucial foundation: letting students know that adults will support them if and when they speak up.
Building the Foundation for Upstander Behavior
Creating upstanders requires more than just telling students to “be brave” or “do the right thing.” It requires systematic preparation that addresses their fears and equips them with practical skills:
- Provide explicit adult support: Students need to know that adults will protect them from retaliation if they intervene or report bullying. This means schools must have robust policies and follow through consistently.
- Share real-life examples: Adults can provide examples of how helpful bystanders have shown courage in real-life situations and in their own experiences. Stories of successful intervention make upstander behavior seem achievable rather than impossibly heroic.
- Teach specific strategies: Give students a menu of intervention options ranging from direct confrontation to indirect support, allowing them to choose methods that match their comfort level and the situation’s danger level.
- Practice through role-play: Create safe opportunities to rehearse intervention responses so students develop confidence and automaticity in their reactions.
- Celebrate upstander behavior: Publicly recognize and reward students who demonstrate upstander behavior, making it socially desirable rather than socially risky.
Safe Intervention Strategies for Students
Not all intervention requires direct confrontation with bullies. Students can choose from multiple strategies based on the situation and their comfort level:
- Direct intervention: Telling the bully to stop, expressing disapproval, or physically positioning themselves between bully and victim
- Distraction: Interrupting the bullying by changing the subject, asking a question, or creating a diversion
- Befriending the victim: Sitting with them at lunch, including them in activities, or simply showing kindness
- Private support: Checking in with the victim later, offering words of encouragement, or helping them access resources
- Recruiting help: Getting other peers to join in supporting the victim or intervening together
- Reporting to adults: Telling teachers, counselors, or administrators about the bullying
- Digital upstanding: Not sharing, liking, or commenting on cyberbullying content; reporting harmful posts; sending supportive messages to victims
The Complacent Complicity Theory
The best way we have found to get bystanders to do the right thing is to help them understand our complacent complicity theory. This powerful concept makes the connection between inaction and harm crystal clear for students of all ages.
The Core Principle:
When you’re complacent, you’re complicit.
The Campfire Analogy
We demonstrate this theory to students using the campfire analogy, which makes the abstract concept of complicity tangible and memorable.
As we know, a fire needs three essential elements to burn:
- Ignition – The initial spark that starts the fire
- Fuel – The material that feeds the fire
- Oxygen – The air that allows combustion to continue
Just like a campfire needs oxygen to keep burning, bullies need oxygen too. That oxygen comes from bystanders.
The way we give oxygen to the bully is by being complacent—by watching, by staying silent, by doing nothing. The way we take the oxygen away is by speaking up, by intervening, by refusing to be part of the audience.
This analogy helps bystanders clearly understand that they are either part of the problem or part of the solution. There is no neutral ground. Silence is not neutrality—it’s support for the bully.
Why This Analogy Works
The campfire analogy is effective because it:
- Makes complicity visible: Students can visualize how their inaction literally fuels bullying
- Removes the excuse of neutrality: It becomes clear that doing nothing is actually doing something—providing oxygen
- Empowers students: It shows them they have real power to stop bullying by removing the oxygen
- Is age-appropriate: Even young children understand how fire works and can grasp this metaphor
- Creates accountability: Students can no longer claim they played no role when they were present
Implementing the Theory
When teaching the complacent complicity theory, it’s important to:
- Present it without shame or blame—the goal is understanding, not punishment
- Follow immediately with concrete strategies for “removing the oxygen”
- Acknowledge that speaking up requires courage and provide support systems
- Reinforce the message regularly, not just in one-time presentations
- Connect it to broader values like integrity, courage, and community responsibility
A Story That Haunts: The Cost of Complacency
Sometimes the most powerful teaching comes from real stories that demonstrate the tragic consequences of bystander inaction. This story, involving a well-known public figure, illustrates the lifelong impact that complacency can have—not just on victims, but on bystanders themselves.
The Story of Bette Midler’s Regret:
Well-known singer and actress Bette Midler was asked in an interview if there was anything in her life that she regretted.
She described an incident she recalled from high school. While a teacher was out of the room, several classmates surrounded a shy, quiet boy and locked him in the classroom closet.
When the teacher returned to the room, Bette Midler and every other student did nothing to alert her. The boy stayed in the closet until the end of the day when he was found by a school custodian.
With tears streaming down Bette Midler’s face, she went on to say that the boy who was locked in the closet had gone home that night and hung himself.
To this day, she said, she feels guilty for having stood by and allowed the boy to be bullied. To this day, she wonders if speaking up might have saved his life.
The Lasting Impact of Inaction
This powerful story illustrates several critical truths about bystander behavior:
- The permanence of consequences: While bullying is often dismissed as a normal part of childhood, its consequences can be fatal
- The weight of guilt: Decades later, successful adult Bette Midler still carries the burden of her teenage inaction
- The power of speaking up: One person breaking the silence could have changed the outcome
- Collective responsibility: Every student in that classroom made the choice to say nothing, and every one of them bears responsibility
- The “what if” that never goes away: Bystanders who don’t act often spend years wondering if they could have prevented tragedy
Using This Story Appropriately
When sharing this story with students, it’s important to:
- Frame it as a teaching opportunity, not a guilt trip
- Acknowledge that students in the situation may have been afraid or unsure what to do
- Emphasize that the goal is not to blame past bystanders but to empower current students to make different choices
- Follow up with concrete strategies for intervention so students don’t feel overwhelmed or helpless
- Be sensitive to students who may have their own trauma histories related to bullying
Creating a Culture of Upstanders
Transforming passive bystanders into active upstanders requires more than individual education—it requires creating a school culture where intervention is expected, supported, and celebrated. This cultural shift happens through consistent, multi-faceted efforts:
School-Wide Initiatives
- Clear policies: Establish explicit expectations that all community members will intervene when they witness bullying
- Protected reporting: Create multiple, anonymous ways for students to report bullying without fear of retaliation
- Adult modeling: Ensure all staff members consistently intervene when they witness bullying, modeling upstander behavior
- Curriculum integration: Incorporate upstander education across subjects and grade levels
- Peer leadership programs: Train student leaders to promote upstander behavior and support victims
Celebration and Recognition
Make upstander behavior socially desirable by:
- Creating awards or recognition programs for students who demonstrate upstander behavior
- Sharing stories of successful intervention in school assemblies or newsletters
- Displaying upstander pledges or commitments prominently in schools
- Involving parents in recognizing and encouraging upstander behavior at home
Ongoing Support
Sustaining upstander behavior requires:
- Regular training refreshers, not just one-time presentations
- Counseling support for students who experience retaliation for intervening
- Adult follow-up when students report bullying to ensure effective intervention
- Community partnerships that reinforce upstander values beyond school walls
Reference: John McDonald, Bully Solutions, The Lingering Effects of Bullying, April 13, 2010, http://www.bullysolutions.com/index.php/the-lingering-effects-of-bullying
Featured Speaker: Jim Jordan
President of ReportBullying.com
With 20 years of experience in bullying prevention and intervention, Jim Jordan has become a leading voice in transforming bystanders into upstanders. He has authored 4 comprehensive books on bullying and is recognized by principals across the USA as the best School Anti-Bullying Speaker.
Jim’s presentations on bystander intervention feature the powerful complacent complicity theory and provide students with practical, actionable strategies for safely intervening when they witness bullying. His approach empowers students to understand their critical role in creating safe school communities.
Book Jim Jordan for Your School