The Long-Term Consequences of Uncorrected Bullying Behavior

Failing to fix a bully’s behavior may result in your community becoming an unsafe place for your children. Research shows that bullying behavior, when left uncorrected, tends to escalate and evolve into more serious antisocial and criminal behaviors.

The Escalation Pattern

Researchers have identified several risk factors and outcomes associated with bullying behavior:

• Depression: Contrary to popular belief, bullies often suffer from depression, using aggression as a maladaptive coping mechanism
• Personality disorders: Patterns of bullying behavior can be early indicators of developing personality disorders
• Anger management issues: Quickness to burst out in anger becomes a characteristic pattern
• Aggressive addiction: Bullies can get addicted to aggressive behaviors, deriving satisfaction from dominating others
• Hostile attribution bias: They begin mistaking others’ neutral actions as hostile, just to preserve their self-image as tough or powerful

The Progression to More Serious Behaviors

When bullying behavior continues unchecked, it often progresses through identifiable stages:

• Stage 1 – Social aggression: Name-calling, exclusion, rumor-spreading
• Stage 2 – Physical intimidation: Pushing, threats of violence, property damage
• Stage 3 – School disengagement: Skipping classes, academic failure, dropout
• Stage 4 – Delinquent behavior: Vandalism, theft, substance abuse
• Stage 5 – Criminal activity: Weapons offenses, assault, potentially more serious crimes

This escalation isn’t inevitable, but it becomes increasingly likely without intervention. Early identification and treatment of bullying behavior can prevent progression to more serious outcomes.

Common Traits of Bullies

As research tells us, the most common traits that bullies represent are relatively consistent across age groups and contexts:

Additional Warning Signs

Beyond these primary traits, bullies often exhibit:

• Lack of empathy for others’ feelings or suffering
• Difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions
• Tendency to blame victims for “making them” act aggressively
• Association with peers who also engage in aggressive behavior
• Enjoyment of feeling powerful or in control
• Low frustration tolerance and poor impulse control
• Difficulty following rules or respecting authority
• Positive attitudes toward violence as a problem-solving tool

However, these common traits are not the only factors that cause children to become bullies. Understanding the root causes requires looking deeper into family dynamics and environmental factors.

The Family Violence Connection

One of the most significant risk factors for becoming a bully is exposure to violence and dysfunction within the family. Research has established clear connections between what happens behind closed doors and behavior at school.

How Family Dynamics Create Bullies

Children learn behavior through observation and experience. When their home environment models certain patterns, those patterns often replicate in school and social settings:

• Modeled aggression: When parents use physical punishment or verbal aggression, children learn that violence is an acceptable way to solve problems or express frustration
• Witnessing domestic violence: Children who see one parent abuse another learn that power imbalances and intimidation are normal in relationships
• Sibling rivalry without limits: When parents don’t intervene in aggressive sibling conflicts, children learn that dominating others is acceptable
• Lack of attention: In large families or busy households, children who crave attention sometimes discover that negative behavior is the most reliable way to get noticed
• Inconsistent discipline: When consequences for aggressive behavior are unpredictable or absent, children don’t learn appropriate boundaries
• Permissive attitudes toward aggression: Some parents tacitly approve of bullying behavior, viewing it as “toughness” or defending their child’s aggressive actions

The Attention Factor

They also crave a lot of attention, and in a family of five, that may not always be possible. If a child is not receiving the attention or love that they desire, they sometimes act out and bully others for that desired attention.

If Your Child Turns Out to Be a Bully: How Would You React?

It can be a real shock to learn that one’s own child is exhibiting bullying behavior. It is hard to accept that even after all the attention we give at home, the child could still mistreat other children right under our noses. But even if this happens, we must avoid overreaction and view this situation calmly and rationally—through a different window.

The Natural Defensive Reaction

We understand that the first reaction of any parent would be to be defensive. Defending one’s child is the most natural tendency of any parent. When told that your child has been bullying other kids, you definitely would feel let down. You would also feel as if you have failed to teach him or her how to be respectful to others.

Even most of the researchers in the field would lay the blame for a child’s behavior on poor parenting, thereby indicting you. These feelings of failure, shame, and defensiveness are normal—but they cannot be allowed to prevent you from taking appropriate action.

The Constructive Response

Instead of getting angry at yourself or at the child, what you actually need to do when faced with such a situation is to calm yourself for a few minutes. Just relax yourself and stop yourself from getting angry.

You must remember that even though the child is trying to be tough outside, deep inside he or she is still a child who looks up to his or her parents. If instead of being angry at him or her, you calmly explain to him or her that you are disappointed with him or her because of what he or she has done, it will have a much greater impact on him or her.

Questions to Ask Your Child

Instead of asking generic questions about why he or she behaved that way, you need to sit with him or her and have a deeper conversation that explores underlying issues.

Listen Without Judgment

During this conversation, your primary goal is to understand, not to lecture. You need to hear the full story from your child’s perspective. This doesn’t mean accepting excuses for bullying—it means understanding the context so you can address root causes, not just symptoms.

Taking Action: Steps Forward

Once you understand the situation, it’s time to develop a plan of action.

Professional Support

It would be a good option to schedule a few sessions with the school counselor, who would be the best person (after you, of course) to help your child get back on the right track again.

School counselors can:

• Provide neutral, professional perspective on the behavior
• Help your child develop empathy and perspective-taking skills
• Teach appropriate ways to gain attention and social status
• Address underlying issues like anger management or depression
• Coordinate between home and school for consistent intervention
• Monitor progress and provide ongoing support

Home Interventions

Beyond professional support, parents must take specific actions at home:

• Establish clear consequences: Make it crystal clear that bullying will not be tolerated and follow through consistently
• Increase supervision: Monitor your child’s activities and social interactions more closely
• Teach empathy: Help your child understand how their behavior affects others
• Model appropriate behavior: Examine your own behavior and ensure you’re modeling respect
• Provide positive attention: Make sure your child gets regular, positive attention for appropriate behavior
• Develop alternative skills: Help them learn appropriate ways to gain social status and manage frustration
• Require restitution: When appropriate, have your child make amends to those they’ve hurt

Essential Reminders for Parents

Working with the School

When the school contacts you about your child’s bullying behavior:

• Thank them for bringing it to your attention
• Ask for specific details about what happened
• Request information about the school’s intervention plan
• Offer to work collaboratively rather than defensively
• Ask what they recommend you do at home
• Schedule follow-up meetings to track progress
• Support the school’s consequences rather than undermining them

Communicating with Other Parents

If your child has bullied another child, you may need to communicate with that child’s parents:

• Acknowledge what happened without making excuses
• Express genuine remorse for the harm caused
• Explain what steps you’re taking to address the behavior
• Ask if there’s anything you can do to make amends
• Keep communication respectful even if they’re angry
• Focus on solutions rather than debating whose child is worse

Hope for Change

The good news is that bullying behavior, when identified early and addressed properly, can be changed. Children are still developing their understanding of right and wrong, their capacity for empathy, and their behavioral patterns. With appropriate intervention, support, and accountability, children who bully can learn:

• That aggression is not power—it’s weakness
• How to gain social status through positive contributions
• To recognize and respect the feelings and rights of others
• Appropriate ways to manage frustration and anger
• How to build genuine friendships based on mutual respect
• That their choices have consequences and they can make better ones

Your child’s identification as a bully doesn’t define their future—but your response to it will significantly influence that future. By staying calm, seeking to understand, providing appropriate consequences, and getting professional help, you can guide your child toward becoming a person who respects rather than dominates others.